Venezuela White sands beaches. I wanted to be like a Venezuelan. Yese my native guide informed me that real Venezuelans eat the eyes of fish. They were hard like plastic and impossible to eat. I’m not sure she was telling the truth. At the age of seven we shared stories of our favorite cartoons. I was a fan of Heathcliff. Yese knew this show and sang the lyrics in Spanish, but then she introduced me to a new kind of show. It was not in English, but there was no need. It was pornography, Venezuelan pornography.
Costa Rica Capuchin Monkeys live on the beach. I prepared myself by bringing a banana with me because that seemed sensible. I silently watched the monkeys, who had white capped heads resembling yarmulkes. Suddenly a monkey crept up behind me and snatched the banana. He was a Thief but I should have known! Later on when our car stalled heading up a mountain, a mysterious man on a motorcycle stopped to help. My mom thought it would be a good idea to get rid of me. I was placed on the bike and ridden into town. Lucky for me no nine year old Americans were up for sale. On another car trip my cousin slowly headed up a cliffside path. A tractor trailer frustrated by the slow crawl attempted to pass us. Unfortunately his trailer careened off the cliff but his truck managed to hang on.
Italy The food in Italy is amazing!!!, Interestingly they mainly use tomatoes in the south. How amazing? My dad is a quasi-vegetarian, he only eats fish. But in Italy he brushed that aside and ate meat considering it a once in a lifetime experience. My favorite was a baguette (roll of bread) with a little butter and market fresh salami. This country is much more open sexually. I spotted an advertisement for a coffee shop featuring two completely nude women. Cinque Terre this is a must see, my favorite place. Its five towns and a castle along the Riviera ocean, and it can only be reached by train. Pompei A city frozen in time. The Garden of the Fugitives, Plaster casts of victims from 79 AD formed by a volcanic eruption. The Vatican is a country within a city, the Pope’s house.
On a Sunday my Dad had noticed that US Air was running a very cheap special to England. It was the inaugural US Air flight to England from Charlotte, N.C. He decided we should go and on Wednesday we did. At the terminal there was cake and food to celebrate putting everyone in a good mood. Unfortunately some people possess “air rage.” I did not much like how the passenger in front of us addressed my sister and I told him so. What ensued next is disputed but I remember punching him in the face. The drunk sitting next to me insisted it was all my fault. The stewardesses’ found me another seat and said Scotland Yard may want to have a talk with all of us. Thankfully that never happened and my international incident remains just a good cocktail story.
England Absinthe is legal here and the Czech Republic. Its authentic unlike what they tell you about American Absinthe, because you might hallucinate.
The punk bar. My sister Jenny studied in London and knew of some unique places. She took me to a punk bar filled with rough people sporting multiple piercings, Mohawks, and spikes. They have a drink that I suggest called a Bloodshot. It is an extreme version of a bloody mary.
Ryan Air Possibly the cheapest airline on earth. You can fly from London to Salzberg for ten pounds (around $15 US dollars)
Scotland Edinborough Violin(fiddler) players danced on the bar as they performed. Tourist trap? probably.
Wales green, lush, ancient landscape like a story book
Denmark The most exotically beautiful women I have ever seen. Their eyes and skin color are other worldly. Here also exists one of the oldest amusement parks in the world, Tivoli Gardens.
The best hot chocolate in the world!!!. There is an abandoned military base called Christiana “an autonomous, self-governing community” populated by vagabonds. You can easily buy hashish here or just a cup of warm hot chocolate.
Sweden The hostel we stayed at was actually just an old red boat, but comfortable and they served breakfast.
Spontaneity
Thirty years ago while traveling in France my parents met a Dutch couple while eating at a restaurant. A tradition was started that each year after they would exchange calendars and stories about their families. My parents spoke no Dutch, but the Dutch man spoke “enough English.” In the late 90’s we received a letter from the Dutch people in response to what my father wrote. The Dutch man had misinterpreted my father’s letter and wrote that he and his wife were thrilled that we were coming to visit them. Consequently my Father decided why not? lets go to Holland. They were very kind to us. Both of them were in their 90’s, but the man still rode his bike every day. The wife affectionately referred to my sister Jenny as “Yenny.”
Holland Amsterdam Mom, my sister and I thought it was appropriate to smoke a bowl of pot. It is legal here. Near the marijuana bars in the Red Light District there are also prostitutes. The women stand naked in the windows. I have to say the legalized drugs and prostitution are a detriment to this beautiful city.
Belgium I had escargot (cooked snails) for the first and only time. It was served from a street cart and had a line up of children. Still one of my favorite foods.
Spain along the Ramblas there are many markets. My mom and I sat down to Breakfast. The servers spoke no English, but I knew a couple of words. We noticed a bottle of Jack Daniels which many people know comes from Tennessee. I grew up up there for 22 years. In our botched conversation we managed to translate that we lived near or inside a bottle of Jack Daniels.
France One day in France, we were in a small town on the border. Cabaret shows are a well respected performance art. I had always heard about how rude the French were. But at the show the host instantly realized we spoke no French. As a courtesy they held a portion of the show in English for their “American guests”
Andorra Very, very small country between Spain and France. Tax free. Great for shopping and luxurious living. I visited a spa. It was indescribable to go from a pool as cold as a wine cooler immediately followed by a hot tub. It was a body shock.
Austria . They speak German and seem to live on their own individual clocks. As you get off the trains, people will actually invite you to stay at their homes! For a price of course. At our place the lady woke us up early every morning singing opera.
The sound of music
Salzberg The front desk clerk told me an interesting story. He said that to attend college was free, but things were a little different than my experience. He had chosen a topic for a research paper and located the proper book in the card catalog. Here you have to submit a request for the book you wish to check out. A few days later the librarians told him that they could see his book through a window, but it was in a room and they did not know where the key was. So he was out of luck and forced to pick another topic.
Vienna A Bollywood movie was being filmed. A man in a clear plastic coat danced around with some beautiful ladies. Apparently they didn’t reserve any licenses, because they had to redo the scene each time the traffic lights changed which seemed to extremely frustrate the choreographer.
Czech Republic I have never taken a prostitute up on their offers, but one lady gave me her calling card. In an effort to lure in Americans her card read “If you are lonely and boring, call me”
Prague (There are so many Americans in this town that the most popular spoken language could be English) The city serves as Paris in many Hollywood films. I saw Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins shooting a scene for the little seen movie Bad Company. The town’s square is surrounded by buildings that stretch in time from 500 to 1000 years old. Hitler supposedly wanted to save this city. One night club I visited was down below in a sort of dungeon. All the usual things were going on, but as I looked around and made it up into the loft area I was surprised by a couple casually having sex.
Cesky Krumlov Great for the outdoors, horseback riding and white water rafting. My sister and I befriended some heavy drinking Australians and set off for rafting. What I found strange was that after we were given the raft, we were then supplied with many bottles of beer. Strange for American outdoor sports, but apparently not for Europeans. Our pub Crawl also included bicycles.
One day I rushed to get ready. I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower when I realized I had no towel. I quickly put one foot back in my trousers and leaned back against the bathroom door for support. The door opened outward as opposed to in. I fell out naked into the hallway. I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw no one there, then at the top of the stairs a young girl shouted “Oh my God.” Everyone at the hostel hung out together but I had no idea which girl had seen me. I told the story to all of the others. In the evening one of the Australians takes me aside and says you know that girl over there she’s the one who saw you. I looked over and she smiled uncomfortably.
Poland I had low expectations for this country, but it turns out to be very nice especially Krakow; designer stores, fancy merchandise, maybe more impressive than fifth ave. We also visited Auschwitz a sobering experience. On the train ride home we spoke with some visiting German students. I was surprised and slightly scared when one girl said she had been reporting on the Lie, the Holocaust Lie.
I am a jackass
In Poland you are charged to use the restroom. I do not like this concept and am angered by it. The business of restrooms, so we were told is run by the mafia. In protest I walked by the admission table pretending not to understand. A large thick muscled man, who looked like a bull, began to charge me. Fortunately a tiny little man, who was certain I was just confused, stepped in to help me. In the mean time, the police were notified. My life was saved and for some reason the little man was escorted away to jail. I’m sorry little man. After that I was scared straight and cooperated with all members of the bathroom mafia.
Hungary Jenny and I were traveling on the Euro rail and had fallen asleep in our compartment. Early in the morning when we reached the border the Austrian train official requested our passes. Apparently they were not properly filled out. He demanded a $50 fine from each of us. I refused; subsequently we were thrown off the train into a poor Hungarian town. We managed to find another train to Budapest. But on this Word War I era train you could see through the floor boards and the people were as best I could tell peasants but we made it to Budapest.
Budapest is actually two towns Buda and Pest. We were in Pest looking for a communist themed restaurant. Lost, we asked directions from a bald man wearing all black. He showed us the restaurant and we were on our way. The next morning at our hotel in Buda my sister woke me with disturbing news. The skin headed man wearing all black was now sleeping on one of the bunks above. We ran off and luckily we never saw him again. Yikes! In his defense, my Israeli friend tells me there are skinheads who wear all black, call themselves Traditionals and are harmless. In their brief conversation he showed Jenny some drawings he had done and said he would like to draw her.
Israel I expected Israel to be one giant desert, but they have made it into a paradise minus the suicide bombings. Jenny and I were riding a camel. Our camel wasn’t happy. According to the guides he wanted to lead, therefore he was biting the camel in front of him. I also believe he wanted to throw us off in the process as he bucked up and down. We rode into a Bedouin camp. What sticks out in my mind was the sky at night. I never knew there were so many stars and I don’t think most people are even aware of what they are missing. In the wild desert of course there’s no city light pollution.
Mexico Tijuana the dirtiest looking city I’ve ever seen. As you cross the border over the ravines, poor Mexican children repeat “chicle…chicle” trying to sell some gum for a little money. It’s a great place to get a deal, but I wish it didn’t exist for the people’s sake.
No comments:
Post a Comment